TOO CUTE...

The Middle Wife
By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher



I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.

I have two kids myself, but the best birth story

I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few

years back
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.

So I always have a few sessions with my students.

It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty

tame.

Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they

catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.

If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing

kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant.

"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his

birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then

Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there.

He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and

I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.

The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying
and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and

groans.

She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!
Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning
"My Dad called the middle wife

She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man."
"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.

“Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in

case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed,

like psshhheew!

“This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands
are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe,

breathe.'"

They started counting, but never even got past ten."
"Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.

He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's

play-center! , so there must be a lot of stuff inside there"


Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow

and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest.

Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day,

I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.