Cafe Update

The Update
So, I called the lady who owns the yellow house yesterday. This is the lady who wanted to share the space so that she could have a cooking school there and then have some other business there for the rest of the time. A couple of weeks ago we gave her an offer on leasing the whole space for ourselves (not sharing) and we hadn't heard back yet about that. So I called her yesterday to see what her thoughts were on the offer and she said that she's decided that she doesn't want to share the space with another business and she wants to run her cooking school as the only business in that location. So, I don't get the yellow house.

The History
Before we went on vacation we went to see the yellow house and, besides the owner lady's poor business sense, it seemed really good. So, we went on vacation with me thinking about whether this is supposed to be "the place". One evening Vince & I took a walk on the beach and there was this lightning storm going on over the ocean (no rain on us, just lightning in the distance). Now you have to understand that lightning has always been very important in my faith. The display of sheer power and beauty combined together was one of the foundational steps in my coming to believe that God was both real and cared about individual people. So, Vince and I are standing on the beach watching this lightning storm in the distance and I'm thinking about God and faith and purpose in life and the cafe, so I ask "Is the yellow house the one?". (or something like that, I can't remember the exact question) And then, thinking that it's only fair that I provide a way to answer, I say "Please leave the lightning blank for 'No' and flash for 'Yes'" and right away the lightning flashes. Hmmm. So that was weird. I guess I hoped for an answer but didn't expect one deep down. So I asked, "Was that for me?" and again the lightning flashes right away. I seriously considered asking again, but then thought it unwise to test God. So, I left with the confused feeling that an answered question gives you. I thought about this on and off until we got home and then decided to do my weekly drive around to look for locations. The yellow house is last on my usual route so I had a long time to think about and decide whether I was going to believe that the response I got was really from God. Before I got to the yellow house, I had decided that since I asked for an answer and got it, I should be a big enough person to act on that answer. So, I was going to pursue the yellow house. Ok. Then I got to the house and the for lease sign was down. Well, that was a crisis of faith! Was my percieved answer not from God? Is God not in control of all this stuff? What the heck? After a long time of thinking and about 28 U-turns to drive by the place over and over, I came to a decision. I believe that God cares about me personally and wants the best for me, and I also believe that God is in complete control of the earth and could make the lightning flash or not with the merest thought. So if He made the lightning flash and I wasn't supposed to have the yellow house then He must have made it flash in that context for some other reason, even though I have no idea what it was. That's a difficult lesson for me to learn, that God might do things for reasons that I may never understand. Later in the week, I couldn't get the yellow house out of my head so I called her to see if it was still for lease and it was. So, we met with her and made and offer and now you're up to speed with the story.

The Reaction
I'm oddly calm about the whole thing, actually. I should be really torn up and upset and not knowing what to do next. I still don't have any idea what to do next, I'm just not fetal about it. This is kind of out of character for me. My reactions to everything are typically intense (to say the least!). Maybe I'm in shock? But people who're in shock don't wonder if they're in shock because they're in shock! :) Really, I'm just mildly confused. Soooooo, what do I do now? Do I wait for the yellow house (because her business plan isn't terribly sound) or do I pursue other locations? Did I not get the yellow house because that was God's original plan or was the owner lady being stubborn and not doing what she was supposed to do? How does God's sovereignty work with people's free will? The question of the ages. Sigh. The encouraging thing out of the whole episode, is that it seems that I've internalized the lesson I learned in the first round of yellow house disappointment. God will probably do things in life that I don't understand and I have to be ok with that. The last couple of weeks I've been mulling over in my mind the verse in Proverbs that says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight". The thing that I keep thinking about is the dichotomy (nice word, eh? def. sharp disticntion) between heart and understanding. I'm not even camping on the straight paths part; I'm actually really enjoying thinking about trusting God with my heart and not needing to understand. It's oddly comforting. I'm not 100% sure what I should do next, I'll probably keep looking for locations and assume that God has a good spot picked for me. And I think I'm ok with that.

So how's that for a deep post!? Sorry for the unexpected deep thoughts segment. I wanted to let you all know where I was at with the cafe stuff. So that's where I'm at. Let me know if you have any questions. I really am willing to chat about it, sometimes it just takes me a little while to know what to say. Talk to you all later!

Ash :)